sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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