I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
sex in a hospital.. check
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize