i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Found your dick twin last night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
