im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
