well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
