it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ladies don't puke and tell
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
