Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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