A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
