I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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