dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
