the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
