TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
