fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
her vagine was all disorganized.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize