why didn't you poke me back
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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