I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
