You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
