what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
