Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
