You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
