I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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