It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
there is glitter all over my balls
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