Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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