honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So many bounce houses so little time
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
