Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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