did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
