Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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