she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You're like the curious george of whores
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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