Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize