The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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