I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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