I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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