i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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