Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
