In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
