I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I currently don't understand fingers.
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