ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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