Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
