Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
