the condom got lost in my hair
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
