I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
