apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have post one night stand depression
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