Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
