You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
