We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
