Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
