thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
