The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
