He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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