Porn is love you can see.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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