Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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