i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
