New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
