dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
