There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
