You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the day after is always just damage control
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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