she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize