My Higher Power is John Stamos
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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