My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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