you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
