census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
