I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
