You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
