THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
organizing the empties. That sober.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
