awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
