he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
