So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize