He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
