I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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