We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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