wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
