tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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