Buhtt sex?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
