I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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