$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
